It’s been a while since I’ve felt this particular feeling.  It seems as though the butterflies have fluttered its way to my chest and the simple mention of a name gets my heart pumping… again. And so, I write on this matter— like I do all things that plague my mind…

The reality is— I don’t want to “FALL” in LOVE.
Because nothing good comes out of FALLING. I don’t want my breath to be taken away or get weak in the knees or skip a beat in my heart. INSTEAD, I want to be LIFTED UP in LOVE and feel a million breaths of fresh air, the invincible strength of strong bones, and a harmonious pulsation in my heartbeat. I want to surrender to love- but not to be MORE than or LESS than IT but merely to walk beside it and know that our unwavering bond is infallible. 

Sadly, I’m not too sure this is the case. I’ve always thought I’ve been “in love”— but the truth is that the “love” that I’ve been referring to hasn’t grown. It’s still juvenile. It’s stuck in a space and time that will never change and I’ll be the first between us to admit that I am a different person.. that I have witnessed many changes.. and that unfortunately, this love we had never grew stronger with me because you never came along with me.  We’ve tried for SO MANY YEARS to hold on to ‘“US” but maybe it’s finally time to let go.  Holding on to ‘LOVE’ shouldn’t be a battle.. if it is there, if it is real, if it is genuine.. love should come naturally. And I’ve come to realize that perhaps we’ve fallen out for a reason. What we had was so ‘real’ and ‘unreal’ at the same time and in some cases pretty ‘magical’ and I wouldn’t change a thing if I had the chance. But here we are… now… in between 2 chapters of our lives… and I really do think it’s time to tell myself that I’ve fallen out of THAT love. THAT YOUTHFUL LOVE. I’m ready to be lifted in Love for the first time… it may be with you… it may not be… but not knowing is the exciting part.  

I’m tired of falling… so it’s finally time to fall out and start again.